Benidorm..... sorry I mean Kuta

So after the days of whiling away the hours on a Crusoe-esque tropical island, really feeling relaxed, two things happened to blow that feeling away. Firstly we were battered from pillar to post aboard HMS Fawlty Towers and then landed, ingloriously, into the pit of Aussie hell.

One thing that has ingratiated us both whilst being in Bali was the neccessity for all overweight and predominantly Australian blokes to wear Bintang vests. Bintang being the famous local beer. It serves both the wearer and indeed the watcher, to convulse in a way in which you've just smelt say, raw sewage. I'm unsure if they do it to pledge allegience to wanting to look both stupid and Australian, or indeed both, but they look absolutely rediculous. Not only that, but if one of the family wears one, again predominantly the dominant male (dad), then sheila (mum) will don a pink one and then the little scrotes (children) will don vest-ettes. Just to add misery/laughter (delete appropriately), to anyone foolish enough to approach the herd.

Kuta itself is anything but the image you have of Bali in your head. Warned multiple times by websites, guidebooks and fellow travellers with tales of monolithic creatures of the deep appearing in the surf shops, we had to check it out for ourselves. After being plonked outside the terrorist bombing memorial (Kuta was bombed twice in 2002 and 2005) by the shuttle bus from Padangbai, we escaped down one of the motorbike infested alleys, called gangs here, and went in search of decently priced lodgings. After doing the circuit and haggling till the sun came down, literally, we stumpled upon a place called Ayu Cottages and went inside to haggle away with the proprieter. The place was nothing spectacular but due to being a 'lovely couple', (he told us this!), we got a relatively good deal on a room with air con for our last two nights in Bali, despite the smell of gasoline coming through the air conditioning unit and the mental French guys directly next door who spent the whole night smashing a polystyrene box.

We did have time once we had got used to being in a loud place again, to get out and catch a glimpse of the sunset down on Kuta beach with an ice cold Bintang. Kuta beach itself, despite the chaos behind you, is actually a pearler of a beach. 12kms of sand and frenetic surf makes you realise what all the fuss is about. Which is why waking the next morning we decided to make the most of our last 'day in the sun' for a while and spend our day tucked away on some corner of the beach. We had a great day. Innterspersed by me being whacked by mammoth waves and popping into the amazingly cold air-conditioned mall that is placed, bizzarely, on the beach. We also, like every other place we went to in Bali, got pestered by sellers about once every 2 and a half minutes. They never give up and try to sell you anything from sarongs, ice-creams to errr, harpoon guns! One woman got very close though, circling us for a few seconds she then started to touch my face and tickle shell's feet before quickly getting out her tweezers and making quick work in pulling ALL of the hairs out of my ears. The woman was literally insane. She even told me I looked like a monkey. Cheeky bugger.

In the afternoon, sat in the heat of the mid-afternoon sun, we started to summarise our time in Bali. I'm glad it's my turn to write as I get to conclude our time here:

Let's get one thing absolutely clear, the place has been amazing. Never before, despite the appaling southern traffic, the constant bombardment of sellers and the irritating dogs, has a place been so unbelievably friendly. Given the choking traffic chaos, the amount of people essentially selling the same thing and the obvious over reliance on the tourist dollar, the people are amazing. Not once in three weeks did we see even one person even get slightly angry. Something which living in the UK, is hard to imagine. Anyway, here is our joint quick summary of each place we visited:

Sanur-If goldilocks had three bowls of porridge, this would be the middle one. Relatively bland but a great beach and some good restaurants.

Ubud-Cultural, peaceful, bohemian and infested with rabid dogs!

Lovina-Quiet, cheap and laid-back (perfect).

Padangbai-Scruffy port town with confused bus loads of teenagers en route from Kuta wondering why they are in a hot Dover.

Gili Trawangan- bloody paradise that in about 10 years will be manicured, concreted and sold to huge resorts. For now, with horse and carts being the only means of transport....bliss.

Kuta-If your an 18 year old backpacker or your nickname is Gonk and your from Brisbane then this is your heaven.

We loved every second.

Anyway we are off to Singapore now before flying onto Hong Kong.
Tommo xxxx